Okay. So The Mighty Hercules doesn't exactly kick ass. I'll give you that. But I must have watched every episode of this turkey a million times before the age of nine, and it's imprinted in my DNA.

But what's with that crap opening? That's not the Mighty Hercules theme song.

This is the Mighty Hercules theme song.

Hercules, hero of song and story.
Hercules, winner of ancient glory.
Fighting for the right,
Fighting with his might,
With the strength of ten, ordinary men.

Hercules, people are safe when near him.
Hercules, only the evil fear him.
Softness in his eyes,
Iron in his thighs,
Virtue in his heart,
Fire in every part,
Of the Mighty Hercules.

I've had this theme song stuck in my head for thirty years, and can't escape it, so why try? Here it is in mp3. Listening to it, I'm reminded that this might well be the whitest damned song ever. But in reading the lyrics, I'm amazed to see how gay it is. "Softness in his eyes, Iron in his thighs." Oh dear. "Fire in every part"? Check, please...